“The pronoun is one of the most terrifying masks man has invented”, observed John Fowles, the celebrated English novelist. A very apt observation except for the fact that it must have been a woman who invented pronouns. I can vouchsafe this with as strong a conviction as I can muster. Because I speak from my personal experience.
Further, can a pronoun be bigger than a noun? A pronoun is a word that is used in place of a noun or a phrase that contains a noun. Clearly, a pronoun substitutes a noun, and a substitute should never overshadow the original. Yet I must confess that I am increasingly under persuasion to better my understanding of pronouns and treat them with deference and due respect.
This is because the closest person in my life has a disproportionate preference for pronouns and that has of late created unanticipated problems.
It all started rather imperceptibly. Primarily, it began with her predilection for asking me to pick up things from here and there: can you please give me ‘that’ from the table, is one of her frequent requests. And the request comes without a context. Now, the problem is that the table has on it over dozen things. One is unable to figure out which specific object the ‘that’ is supposed to refer to.
I, therefore, on occasions, must ask her which specific thing she wants me to pick up. And the moment the query is raised, hackles also rise. “After decades of being with me, you still can’t figure out what I might be meaning when I say ‘that’?” But the fact of the matter is that often I really cannot figure out what she might be having in mind.
The course of conversation thereafter usually moves in a downward spiral. The ‘that’ that was to be picked up is often related to what she had been saying earlier and my ineptitude in identifying it necessarily ends in a verbal dressing down delivered in as sweet and civilised manner as she can manage.
The other day, a rather ugly situation was created. She needed ‘that’ object urgently and in my characteristic casualness, I dared ask what that ‘that’ was? Was it a bottle, or the medicine or her prayer book, as there were more than a dozen objects lying on the table. And the things became more difficult because at that point of time I was also somewhat mentally occupied, wanting to carry out a financial transaction online and was waiting for the OTP on my mobile. Perhaps this time my asking about that ‘that’ might have had an edge or sharpness. What followed was not only a sharp rebuke but also a threat that I was worthless in such petty matters and if did not have this little common sense, how the hell did I carry out such onerous responsibilities in my career. Well, the repartee provoked me a little and the ensuing exchange became far from pleasant. But the damage did not restrict itself to that moment. It lengthened into several days that followed, and I had to literally eat a humble pie in brokering a truce and sheepishly confessing that I am rather sloppy and ham handed in such sensitive matters, and that I will try very hard to avoid repetition of such lapses. The normalcy took long to restore with several delible scars on my quickly ageing mind.
The problem is that my failure to identify is persisting and instances of it have begun to happen rather frequently. The use of pronouns for objects that have a very specific name continues unabated. And so does my innocent question, “what is ‘that’?”. And the conversation that ensues is on predictable lines.
I am in urgent need of some sane counselling. I do not know whom I should turn to, given the sensitive nature of her temperament and the unassailably endearing and dominant position she occupies in my life. If there were a way to decipher these pronouns and figure out which noun, they represent, my ordeal will be blissfully resolved, and I will be the recipient of her comforting company without these rather unwelcome and deranging interludes.
For, one must not forget that ‘Two pronouns make We: You and I.’
scribo ad LX 